Lurking on the anti-Meghan Markle Subreddit
A 2022 report studying social media posts about Meghan Markle claimed that 70% of all negative posts online come from just 83 separate users. In Markle's interview with The Cut that same year, the magazine considered this report proof of a conspiracy against the ex-princess. Save for a dangerously outspoken minority, Markle is not nearly as unpopular as it appears online. But, as someone who's struggled to get more than three friends together for lunch since the start of the pandemic, lately, I've started to see this report in a different light. We should be more thankful that 83 people can still come together to form such a flourishing community in our fractured world.
I don't remember which scandal of the day caused me to visit the famous anti-Meghan Markle Reddit forum known as SaintMeghanMarkle for the first time; all I know is that in 2022, I visited it almost every day. On the forum, the Duchess of Sussex is known as The Saint, The Alliterate One, or most commonly TW: short for The Wife, That Woman, or The Witch. Users refer to Markle apologists as Sugars. Sugars have a tendency to sugarcoat anything connected to Markle. Of course, if Markle is a saint, those who are enlightened to her wicked ways are Sinners.
SaintMeghanMarkle is more than just the only place on the internet where people swoon over up-to-date photos of Prince William. Their stated purpose: "Time after time they've been caught in their web of lies… we enjoy exploring this... Then there's the terrible dress sense… the inability to wear a proper bra (Meghan) or shoes without holes ... Lastly, for light relief, we enjoy sharing memes…". They do not like being referred to as a group of middle-aged white ladies. From their wiki, "We are as diverse as Reddit is as a whole. By believing and saying that we are only middle-aged white women, you show your own prejudice."
Sinners want you to know they are not racist. This word is used against them. On the forum, one user writes, "Until Markle's antics played out in public, I never came across such a crass, disgusting, and morally bankrupt person. She's worse than a beast." Another replies, "Well said!!" What, to these users, makes Markle worse than a beast? I traveled into the belly of it to find out.
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Markle has done some questionable things. As you all know, she is obsessed with avocados in an unhealthy way and continues to eat them even while being aware of inequalities in the global supply chain. In the 2023 Netflix documentary Harry & Meghan, Markle reveals she met the Prince and Princess of Wales and her future brother and sister-in-law for the first time in her home while barefoot and wearing ripped jeans. This is the kind of passive-aggressive power move that only someone from California would know to execute.
Though I agree with users on SaintMeghanMarkle that she needs a better tailor, Markle is gorgeous. She is so beautiful that for a brief moment, the whole world collectively thought that Harry was handsome and charming just because he stood beside her. Sinners disagree, preferring the "understated English rose beauty" (apparently a euphemism) of the Windsor bloodline.
Perusing celebrity gossip sites and studying history come from the same impulse. The real truth lies somewhere hidden between the official story of events. SaintMeghanMarkle carefully examines every bit of press released about the Royal Family for hidden clues about Markle, the family, and her larger deception. Because the Royal Family, the perfect blend of history and celebrity, has rigid protocols for every moment of their public lives, everything they do publicly tells a story, even if they don't always want it to. It's because of this that investigation of the inner workings of the royal family via online forums and from news sources like The Daily Mail and The Mirror that we have probably as historically accurate an understanding of the inner workings of their lives as any other method of inquiry.
Regular people might see paparazzi photos of Harry walking into a church and sitting at a pew wearing a wonderful suit and vest. But, those on SaintMeghanMarkle who really know the Royal Family know that because Harry is sitting in the second row in church wearing a morning suit instead of a military jacket, the stories of a falling out in the family must actually be real, and something (or someone) must have happened.
It's this kind of symbolism that makes a perfect breeding ground for study by people with a screw loose. Is Kate wearing an outfit in homage to the late Princess Diana that suggests, while maintaining her silent dignity, that Meghan made her cry over Princess Charlotte's flower girl dresses, or am I, personally, just losing my grip on reality?
On SaintMeghanMarkle, one user writes, "She (Markle) acts very similar to a flaming narcissist I know. The one I know has victim stories every time you talk to her. She's lost all her friends because of it."
Another says, "She's a psychopath, narcissist, and compulsive liar. I had the misfortune of being entangled with someone with the same traits, and it took me years to get over the trauma... The first tell tale sign was how she came across during the engagement interview. The second was how she had no family or real friends at her wedding except her mother. The provable lies and her mask slipping time and time again, the malevolent looks, the wild blinking and jaw clenching confirmed my thoughts about her. The woman scares me."
To me, it's not weird that she invited none of her family to her wedding. I would've hired a hitman if it meant I could have had George and Amal (call me) Clooney at mine. But, the more time I spent on SaintMeghanMarkle, the more I realized that this group of people all thought they knew someone like Markle. Usually, it is a family member: an ex-husband, a brother, sister, or mother. "I truly believe that most of us who see through MM have been traumatized by a person who has her same character traits and therefore we are repulsed when we recognize these traits in others."
Another user says, "One of the interesting things u often see with narcs is that they really are all the same in their patterns. It's like they have a manual they reference. It's also one of the things that make them easy to spot. if you have seen one, you have kind of seen them all."
What can be so frustrating about narcissistic abuse is that there is really no rational way to deal with an abuser. Explaining why they are wrong and why you've been hurt can often be counterproductive. Instead, therapists recommend becoming a 'grey rock.' The victim makes themselves as boring as possible. The narcissist will eventually realize you are not an easy enough target and move on to easier prey.
"Good luck with becoming a grey rock. I've been one for years but I learnt a lot from the Royals during the mourning period. Catherine played it perfectly when they looked at the floral tributes outside of Windsor, and then they all did during the funeral and other engagements. If you're ever unsure of how to behave during grey rocking, just refer back to the video of the four outside of Windsor and don't take your eyes off Catherine. She was strong, confident, and she made Markle invisible. She was perfect."
On SaintMeghanMarkle, part of the social fabric is teaching each other how to spot the patterns. Markle separated Harry from his family, friends, country, and support system: the telltale signs of a narcissist. She plays a perpetual victim. She thinks she's better than the Royal Family and a life of duty.
"This technique (grey rock) is super effective, but it's exhausting! I started using it after I had been in therapy for awhile working on my own issues. I don't think I could've kept it going if I didn't already have that support of my therapist backing me up."
While learning how to grey rock Meghan Markle, I wondered why I was obsessed with reading about this group of middle-aged women. And then I began to look inside my heart. I realized, not in 2022 but today, three years later I realized, that by a totally random coincidence, I was spending a lot of my free time back then googling the signs and symptoms of narcissistic abuse because of issues in my own personal life. Around that time, I spent portions of my day in boiling frustration that the best course of action for me, an infamous do-er, with dealing with certain unsavory characters, was to keep my mouth shut and do nothing. And let me tell you, it is horribly frustrating.
Could these women, Kate Middleton, and I, all be connected by a certain feeling of powerlessness in our personal lives? Maybe they can't convince their brother that his wife is no good for him, but they can show the world the signs to look out for through Meghan Markle.
One user writes, "I think it's a safe bet to assume the RF has sought and received expert counsel from mental health professionals and/or behavioral experts to learn how to handle/deal with Megzilla. No doubt. Grey rock represents a very dignified approach and fits nicely with the dictum of Queen Elizabeth II, "never complain, never explain"." No doubt, Elizabeth II spent her final days in group psychotherapy learning the best strategies to effectively manage Markle.
As the Royal Family records their reign into a Shakespearean moral for public consumption, they seem to want to ask you, the public, over and over if life is about duty or happiness. Some of the House of Windsor chose desire over duty and suffered. King Edward famously abdicated the throne because he fell in love with a beautiful (in some people's opinion) American divorcee. They then fled the country to Paris. According to lore, he spent the rest of his days throwing lavish parties while wishing he hadn't given up his country. He was also a Nazi, but that was less concerning than the divorce.
You can group every other member of the family into this dichotomy. The disastrous lovers of hedonism are: Margaret and her failed relationships, Charles and his failed marriage to Diana the Trollop, and Prince Andrew. On the other side, we have the sanctity of duty: Elizabeth the Great, her chad husband Philip, the love of my life, Princess Anne (call me), and Kate Middleton.
On SaintMeghanMarkle a photo captioned: "Life's beautiful parallels. An institution fueled by love and duty and familial bonds can't be broken by someone who doesn't understand them."
Why am I so moved by this photo? It makes you think about what your personal duty is to your family. My lovely parents have always been a rock for me, most so by just being chill in the face of chaos. As I've gotten older, I've realized that often, this is the best thing a person can do for another. Were my parents inspired by the holy duty to family and country that Prince Philip and The Queen represented? Why, then, does my dad think Elizabeth was a "humorless, rotten old pill who didn't want anyone to be happy"? It doesn't add up.
We must remember the Royal Family isn't a family like yours or mine. They are something entirely different. The events we "witness" are not seen with our own eyes but transmitted through headlines in gossip magazines, leaked by the inner offices of each family member's press office to spite one another.
Is Markle then the victim of all of this? Some could say yes. When does getting married to a moderately unattractive man mean that your mother-in-law's bodyguards can take your passport, tell you what to wear, and prevent you from going out to lunch?
Sometimes, long ago, I would think about Meghan and Harry and ask Dani what she felt about their whole situation, what she thought the truth was, and who was right. She reminded me that I don't think the Royal Family should exist at all and that these are unknowable people in unknowable situations. Then, I would get confused about why I was spending all my time ruminating about all this.
Then I would wonder, is SaintMeghanMarkle really mad at Meghan or at the powerlessness of the Queen, who refused to complain or explain and, in the process, lost the empire? As one user writes, we must always remember, "Britain and America are great friends and will have a great future as allies, and nothing this pair of disgraceful people and their scheming friends does will change that."